Beauty and the Beast

I woke up in the middle of the night once again feeling overwhelmed by the task of starting a school in the DRC (Congo). This included feelings of incompetence, doubt, fear, being giving too much responsibility, and unrealistic expectations placed on me. 

Along the beautiful Crocodile river

Phil, Alex, and I are on a combined work/vacation trip in South Africa, since Phil’s job brings him here. Yesterday here at Kruger National Park was an amazing day of witnessing God’s nature in harmony with its creatures. 

Those are hippos not rocks

Beauty, harmony, and creativity at its best….”Wow, God was even creative when he made animal’s private parts”, Alex pointed out as he noticed and commented on the the blue monkeys’ “bright blue balls!”

The vervet monkey

Alex enjoying a ride through the Kruger

But as I lay awake at two in the morning, all that amazement and awe disappeared and all I felt was a weight of bricks on me, and the replaying in my mind of an animal drama that we had witnessed the evening before.  Across the river from where we were staying, a couple of water buffalo had separated themselves from the rest of their herd. With them was a little calf.  When we arrived on the scene, drawn in by a little crowed watching with binoculars, five lions came out of the bush and slowly, but strategically approached the water buffalo, seemingly with their eyes on the calf.  One of the female water buffalo kept chasing off several of the lionesses. Time after time she tried to scare them off.  Unfortunately, after about 40 minutes, the largest lion lunged towards the calf and took it down. Several cries of horror went out from us spectators on the other side of the river.

If you look really hard you will see the male lion approaching the water buffalo

In my “out of proportion, 2 o’clock in the morning reasoning space” I was comparing myself to the female water buffalo, possibly the mother of the calf, who was trying to save her young one…..but lost in the end.  I was glad to wake up to an amazing new day in Krueger Park.  I took in more of God’s wonderful creation. 

South Africa's funny Guineafowl

“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matt. 6:26)

I have to let it go.  I cannot carry it on my own and should never think that I need to. Phil often reminds me that “God does not need our ability, but desires our availability”, quoting Ian Thomas of the Torchbearers.

So with this blog I lay down my worries, which are mostly connected to my lack of ability…

- worry about the teachers getting adequate training so that they’ll be ready to start teaching

- worry about where the $30,000 needed for the renovations on the school building we plan to use will come from

- worry about the timing of the rental contract for the school property

- worry about how the school principal is going to be able to raise enough support to get to Kinshasa by summer time

- worry about African “timing” - will we be able to open our doors in September 2015?

… in order to once again make myself available to be used, and to serve through God’s strength alone! And to remember that the Creator loves his creation!

Thanks for listening.  Maybe these thoughts will resonate with you.

The beauty of the Kruger Park